Tomorrow morning, Ashlee and I will leave the comforts of our home in North Carolina and will travel for 21 hours on a plane bound for Chennai, India. We spent the weekend in Knoxville with our family, and we left Emilee there to spend this week with Mimi & Papa - and then Daddy will bring her back home this weekend. It was incredibly hard to say goodbye knowing that I won't see her again for 17 days!
Panic, nervousness, anxiety, fear, etc., are all starting to set in as I start to think of all the things that could happen while we're there. So much anxiety that I can't sleep. What if I forget to pack something, what if we lose our passports, what if our money gets stolen, what if our team's plans don't work how we expect them to, what if Emilee gets sick while I'm on the other side of the world, what if Ashlee gets some kind of foreign illness, what if Scott needs me while I'm gone, what if something happens to one of our parents and I can't get home fast enough, what if...? There are a million "what ifs" that are going through my mind, and they all have to do with things that are totally out of my control, and I don't like to be out of control.
The simple fact of the matter is that I'm a planner. I need a plan. I want to know when, where, why, what, who, and how. I'm a pretty easy going, go-with-the-flow kind of person... as long as the "flow" follows my plan. When it doesn't, I don't do so well. This is definitely something God is trying to teach me... that there is a plan, BUT it is His plan... not mine. And as long as I follow His plan, His will for my life, it's all going to turn out to be amazing. I realize that doesn't mean there won't be bumps along the way, but I have to turn those bumps over to Him, which is so much easier said than done. A definite work in progress!
I told a friend of mine that I was starting to freak out a bit about the trip. Her response was, "Good! That's exactly where you need to be to be totally dependent on God." Never thought about it like that before, but it makes complete and total sense. So I will spend the next two weeks with Ashlee doing my best to put all my focus on what God has in store for us in India... not because of my plan, but because of HIS! Thank you, Donna! And thank you, God, that I can be totally dependent on you and that you're not just okay with it, but that you expect it!